My views do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.
Meanwhile, over the course of the fall into winter…
Now that Matt was Entertainment Director instead of Cruise Director, he had a huge suite with a living room, a bedroom and a bathtub. This was the suite that used to belong to the Cruise Director before the Entertainment Director became more important. Matt offered for us to have a party in his suite for WEEKS before it actually happened– we were all working too hard.
This must have been a crazy day because Micah and Yukie are wearing our ‘greys’ uniform– what we wear for first and last impressions, and important things like Captain’s circle parties, while Lauren and I are wearing our regular day uniform. But I’m wearing jeans instead of the shorts that go with them.
My photo log says it was October 28, which means we might have been celebrating Matt’s birthday. Somewhere in the beginning, there, Matt said it was his birthday. He’s the kind of person who would say it was their birthday even when it wasn’t, so I didn’t believe him. Then the next day when we were in port (and the internet was discounted) I saw on Facebook that it really was his birthday. I felt really bad. Later we pulled together a celebration, in his cabin, of course.
Halloween
Before I joined the Golden Princess I was experiencing some anxiety of the unknown– you know, the fear that made me bring 8 sticks of deodorant because they might not have my brand in Australia. While I had been on the first fully Medallion Class ship for 2 contracts (the ship everyone was watching so it got all the cool new stuff– like a 6 foot tall inflatable birthday cake) I was now going to an old ship that would be sold in a year. Would they even have a chicken costume for the egg drop contest (so I could wear trash bags and get egg all over me)? I wasn’t making any assumptions, so I went on Amazon and bought a chicken costume for $13 just in case. And while I was there, I heard the voice of my friend in Production, Delisa, who had told me about cruise staff who went a little overboard– wearing glasses and robes for Harry Potter trivia. I found the cheapest Princess Dress on Amazon and a crown for my Disney Trivia. It was yellow which is NOT a flattering color on me. It wasn’t until I wore it to my first Disney Trivia that I realized (when my mom pointed it out) that I was the Golden Princess ON the Golden Princess. I totally got my money’s worth out of that gag. I mean, obviously I would be the Golden Princess for Halloween. I tried to make my hair blue and flowing in the wind like the Sea Witch logo.
On October 31st, we were supposed to go to Kangaroo Island for the first time. I had signed up for a tour. The day before Halloween I got my schedule in the early afternoon and then found out that night that I got a tour for the next day. Time for a juggling act! I was scheduled to work before I was supposed to get back from the tour, so I begged and pleaded with Micah to trade activities so that I could go on the tour. He and Lauren had been given 4 days to come up with ghost stories for the evening of Halloween. Matt recounted how he had given this assignment to Andi (who I loved and worked with on the Caribbean) when they had worked together on the Grand Princess. He had kept asking Andi how it was going and was sure it was going to be a disaster, but it turned out amazing– it was way better than anything Matt could have imagined. So the expectations were now very high. Lauren had been trying to work with Micah to come up with a plan, but he had been avoiding her. They had nothing. My last resort was to trade some simple afternoon activities for these ghost stories.
We had about 24 hours to come up with something. That night (before Halloween) we had our usual full night of activities, and then stayed up until 1am decorating the Vista Lounge. The morning of Halloween I was in the Princess Theater at 7am to help gather people into their tour groups. After the first couple of groups were assembled, some guests started asking if we were even going to Kangaroo Island. I hadn’t heard anything– I’d just been giving people stickers! Then the announcement came from the Captain. It was announced that due to rough weather, we were not going to Kangaroo Island. Surprise Sea Day! So now we were scrambling to put together activities to fill the day. On the edge of my brain I prayed for inspiration for these ghost stories. I tried google, but unfortunately, we were on a ship with caveman internet (we gave up after sitting at the computer for an hour waiting for our searches to load). By lunch I had an idea– the beginning of a story. Now we just needed a middle and an end. No matter how much we brainstormed, nothing we came up with after that was any good. We would just have to wing it.
We gathered everyone behind the elevator bay. Imagine sitting around a campfire with a flashlight under my chin (this is not what happened, but it is what I was imagining) “Once upon a time, it was October 31st…. 2019…. The GOOOOOOLLLLDEN Princess was supposed to go to Kangaroo Island… But then the port was CANCELED!!! (too soon?) [insert gasp– and encourage audience to gasp if they don’t] We have to find out why! How do we find out? [make audience guess until someone (Lauren) suggests we go ask the Captain] Yes! Let’s go see the Captain!” Then we manage to get everyone on to elevators and take them up to Deck 14 where we have covered all of the 14’s with 13’s using masking tape and sharpie. Ships are superstitious so there is no deck 13– they skip it. I find it ironic that they still felt comfortable putting the bridge on that deck and just calling it something else. Anyway, by the time I got up there they saw our signs. I was shocked! So everyone must also be shocked! “What could this mean?! There is no Deck 13 on the Golden Princess! We must have entered the Bermuda Triangle!” And that was all I had come up with. I would like you to appreciate that I went through the Bermuda Triangle several times on the Caribbean Princess and came out just fine. I also acknowledge that the Bermuda Triangle is on the other side of the world. We asked the audience what we should do next. We ended up moving backwards in slow motion out around the pools. Lauren took over. She stage whispered “We can see them, but they can’t see us!” letting passerby who weren’t on the tour know that they should play along. Unbelievably, they guests seemed to be having a good time– at least, the ones who didn’t leave. Somehow it ended and Lauren and I let out a huge sigh of relief. What we had been dreading for the last 24 hours had happened. I can’t say it was good, but we crossed our fingers and hoped no one would complain. Then we decided to stop at the crew bar to brainstorm how to make the next one better. When we showed up for the late show, there was a girl who had loved the first one so much, she brought a friend to the second one. Lauren and I were shocked. Had we succeeded? We couldn’t possibly have. We’d been riding the wave of adoration from the crossing where we could do no wrong. Now we had a new audience. We tried to do the same thing again, but the second group wasn’t quite as along for the ride of ridiculousness as the first group had been. It was a disaster. It felt like those dreams when you’re back in the halls of your high school and you look down and realize you’re naked. Afterward we could only laugh about how bad it was. The reason I tell this story is that it became one of the most memorable nights of my contract. Every time Lauren and I found ourselves completely unprepared trying to put on a show and feeling totally embarrassed because we were not pulling it off, we would compare it to ghost stories. So many times Lauren or I would claim that what we had just done was the low point– the worst, most embarrassing attempt at entertainment. Then the other person would say, no– it wasn’t as bad as ghost stories.
The Loveboat Disco Deck Party
The Loveboat Disco Deck Party was one of the events that we often compared to ghost stories (it still came up short every time). I had done the LDDP (as it was called on our schedules) once or twice at the very beginning of my time on the Caribbean Princess before it was replaced by the Caribbean Heat Deck Party and then later by the 24 karat Gold Deck Party. It was warm on the Caribbean so we had a deck party every cruise. This ship had spent the summer in Alaska where it was not warm enough for a deck party, so Corey and Matt Baker were the only ones who were really familiar with it. For me, it was like trying to remember a show I had seen once several years before. Crowd control for this party was a challenge. We had to get people on the dance floor for the pre-party, then tell them to step back so the Production cast could come out and dance, then we bring them back for more participation, shoo them off, and then bring them back to dance with us over and over again. Somewhere in the middle, there was a dance that we did with the cast and were supposed to encourage the guests to do as well. Then we all run off and put on Issac wigs, mustaches and jackets (he’s the bartender on the Loveboat TV show). I remembered hating wearing those costumes in the heat. We spent a couple of 5pm sessions in the Crew Rec Room learning the choreography from Corey. Then the night came and the cast was doing different choreography! It was kind of what we’d learned but the steps were not in the same order and the timing was different from what we’d been taught. I remember Corey mouthing “I’m SO SORRY!” from across the pool.
The next time, I’d been assigned to teach the guests the choreography in a line dancing class before the deck party. I tried to find someone who could teach me the right choreography but no one had time. Finally I cornered Oliver, one of the cast dancers, and he met me in the rec room. It’s one thing to follow people who know what they’re doing, another thing to do it yourself without their help, and then even harder to teach others how to do that thing. I could follow no problem. Oliver helped me figure out how to do it on my own, but then I lost some of it when I tried to teach it. That night I got out there and what Oliver taught me wasn’t quite in the same order as what was done on the deck! Again! I just had to remind myself how hard it was to remember what someone had taught you– hopefully no one would notice that I had taught them the wrong thing! Every LDDP I tried to learn the dance a little better, but I don’t know if I ever got to the point where I could teach the guests exactly what the steps were. We sure had a good time trying, though!
Man Overboard
One evening I was in the middle of interviewing a guest for the Yes/No Game Show when an announcement was made from the bridge. Man Overboard. Guests please return to their cabins. I handed the lady a prize, and we started packing up– We threw our props and prizes back stage and waited for further instruction. Minutes later, crew was told to go to their cabins. I took the stairs. It was easier to take the flights slowly– everyone who was smart enough and physically able to avoid an elevator was doing the same. This had never happened before! We talk about the Man Overboard procedure during the drill all the time, but rarely do the emergencies actually happen. The Cruise Director’s Staff all have cabins in the same corner, so we propped open our doors (in case our phone rang, if we were being counted that way) and hung out in the hallway. I changed into more comfortable shoes. After a couple of minutes of speculating about what was going on (no one else had been through this before either) there was an announcement for crew to go to specific lounges. Entertainment was sent to the Vista lounge. Did we need to bring anything? Lifejacket? This was a weird emergency. We went down to the Vista Lounge and each department was accounted for. Luckily, the Guest Entertainers were part of the Entertainment Team, so Andre, one of the comedians started doing some stand up. Then the Captain made the announcement that everyone on board had been accounted for. Now they were just looking around in the water to see if they could find anyone in distress who needed help. Later I got the inside scoop from Matt. Protocol was for the heads of department to check every cabin for their people, but they soon figured out that that would take forever– especially for the dining staff. It would be faster if everyone could come to them. That’s when they did the announcement for the crew to relocate. Between that call and the room stewards being excellent at their stations counting the guests, the Captain was able to confirm every person on the ship’s whereabouts in less than 30 minutes. Throughout the whole process we kept saying that this adventure was really cool as long as no one died. Luckily, it turned out that way. Eventually they determined that there was nothing in the ocean that shouldn’t be, and we were on our way.
Sandwich Bar in the Officer’s Mess!
When you’re stuck on board on a port day, it feels like you’re paying your dues. You’re friends are off having fun seeing the world while you have to work– putting events together that only a couple of people show up for. With fewer people on board, we would usually take the opportunity to go eat up in the buffet for guests (where there’s more variety– we can eat there as long as it isn’t busy, which it is during peak dining hours at sea) until one day we found a sandwich bar with panini presses in the Officer’s Mess!
I love discovering the treats of this alternate life– making my own sandwich and toasting it to perfection.
The Melbourne Cup
In my time down under, I discovered a few new holidays– Christmas in the middle of summer, Australia Day and the Melbourne Cup. Apparently, horse racing is big in Australia, and the Melbourne Cup is the event of the season. We spent weeks preparing for it.
The day of, we set up our usual Carnival games by the pool
We set up the horse race under the giant Movies Under the Stars Screen, where we roll dice to determine how many spaces the horses can move. The Open Decks were packed! The wind picked up! Then a huge black cloud moved closer and closer! We had to regroup and bring the party downstairs– Everyone watched the actual races from every venue with a screen that we had!
That morning, I was in charge of Arts and Crafts. Apparently ladies wear fancy hats or very elaborately decorated headbands to horse races. These are called fascinators. Though I had just barely learned what they were, I would be in charge of helping anyone who showed up make them. We found a box of tiaras on the ship, and some mesh at a craft store in Melbourne (after several unsuccessful attempts in other ports). Oliver from the production cast made one for me that I still have to this day.
Christmas
We were in Akaroa for Christmas, and I was IPM. I was IPM the Christmas before in Martinique too. I’m assuming it’s a good deal– that most places are closed on Christmas, so I’m not really missing out on anything. If that isn’t true, please don’t tell me. It’s tradition for the medical staff to hold a breakfast party on Christmas morning, and this year I got to go! We snuck into one of the back rooms where there was a whole spread of snacks– my favorite egg sandwiches from the international cafe that never taste as good as I want them to, the sweet bread with cranberries that is a special Christmas thing (and when there is one in the office, I can’t stop tearing pieces off and eating them) and some special chocolate that one of the officers had brought for one of the doctors. That chocolate was so good. One of the doctors was really into legos and had special ordered little lego figures of each member of the medical team. They were all skating on a mini lego ice lake. Over the loud speaker, we heard that Santa was coming in on one of the water shuttles! The medical center is right around the corner from where the water shuttle (life boat) came in.
Safety first! Even Santa had to have his ID card scanned so we could keep track of who was on and off the ship.
There was a special Christmas lunch set up in the Crew Mess.
That evening we exchanged our Secret Santa gifts. Lauren’s gift to Micah was incredibly personal. Everyone acted like they really liked their presents whether they did or not. Earlier that week we had played Majority Rules and asked what was the worst gift you could get for Christmas. One person got the gift that they had said they least wanted, but it came from such a good place we could only laugh about it later.
On Christmas Eve, the traditional Christmas show played in the Princess Theater.
I was originally part of it, but later realized that it would be better for me to be available to do activities right before and after than to hang out backstage for a cameo moment, so I got to watch it. It started out as a traditional North American Christmas with snow and fires in the fireplace and a fat Santa, when the little girl pointed out that we were in Australia! Scene change! We rewound to the beginning and told the Christmas story Aussie style with all of the weird Australian words that could be found on the internet. The fireplace became a BBQ, Santa slimmed down and changed into shorts and something happened to the sled to move the plot along. Of course it was filled with barely justifiable reasons to sing Christmas songs, including an Australian version of Jingle bells that my pop choir stole for 2 cruises.
Like most holidays on the ship, they are a lot more work, but they are also more festive. Usually we put an event together and then try to improve it cruise after cruise, but especially at Christmas, we put together events that we can’t fix until the next year if they don’t go right. I got out my Christmas finish the lyrics that I had spent 6 hours putting together the previous year. We put together a game show where we acted out scenes from what we thought were iconic Christmas movies, but no one seemed to recognize them. Lauren and I still determined that ghost stories were worse. I had been doing a Battle of the Sexes Karaoke Wars that we tried to Christmas-ify but when I played the 12 days of Christmas from the Karaoke Machine as the grand finale, there were 2 versions of the song but neither of them had the lyrics that everyone knows. So once we were finally getting into a rhythm after learning all the new things for the Crossing, Christmas threw in a two week cruise where we were doing all new things back to back again. Happily, several of our guests came back to cruise weeks later and they told us that they had had a great time, so at least they didn’t see us spinning our wheels under the surface of the water like the duck analogy!